We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
