If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
