I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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