I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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