he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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