Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
