Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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