Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
