Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
