Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im holly from the hills drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
