Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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