I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
