my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
