Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
