so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
