I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
