Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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