A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
