Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
