C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Found your dick twin last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
