I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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