i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
