you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
