yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
