I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
