He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
