i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
