I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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