Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
