i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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