we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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