Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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