I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
