I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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