I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
