You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
