And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
