Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
