so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
