I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
