I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
