I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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