Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
