Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
