I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
