I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
