Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
