the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
