Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
