I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
