is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
